Only you...........

      Its 19 degrees outside with a wind chill of 0. The icy roads are holding me captive inside this warm little abode while I wait for the promise of the weather man for warmer temperatures. School has been canceled, even the Doctor's office is closed. One phrase we all say here in the Dallas area is "If you don't like the weather here just wait till tomorrow because it will change." Life can be like that, just stick around till tomorrow and everything will change, for the better we hope, but often an icy storm comes blowing through our warm and cozy little world, in the middle of the night and we wake up we wondering;  did that really happen, was that diagnoses real? Here in this subtle but brisk storm I feel as though I have been taken captive or held hostage by something out of my control, just like this weather. But in this reality here in the truth that this storm is real, it is mine and it is here to stay suddenly I have to come face to face with myself and the one thought that lurks in all our my minds is, " there is no way I could ever survive if that were to happen to my family!" This brings me to the hardest question I will ever ask in my life: " Lord how in the world could I possibly glorify you  when I am so scared of the out come and my hurt is so deep that I am paralyzed?" I don't want to pretend that I trust you, that your faithful and that you love me, I want the truth of all that you are to be the very fragrance in my presences..... but I don't know how, this one is too big, there is no way I can pretend through this storm, I need to know deep in my knowing place how I can ever survive this twister with even a heart left in me that could worship you, not because I wouldn't want to, but because the very life within me has perished. I feel the deep need to exterminate all the fake that invades my thoughts and my hopes where my  relationship with you Jesus is concerned.  When the middle of the night  comes and I try and calm my racing thoughts about the devastating things happening in this world  I can so quickly choose to believe that somehow,  I am at fault and God must be punishing me.  I want out of this man made christianity, I want, I want, what is it that I really want? I don't want my pain to ever out weigh your holiness. I don't want to crumble because I feel guilty beyond what I am truly charged. I don't want to be afraid any more of what you allow in my life, and help me to see quickly when I am fighting pride and secretly blaming you. I don't want churchy words to cross my lips ever again just because I feel they are supposed to. As we have just received the severe weather warning about this approaching Storm  I will look for the one who calms the storm, with just the breath of his words. I will look for the hands of the one who created her inner most being, and he knew her before the foundation of the earth began. I will look for the one who created the heavens and the earth. I will step out side of my cozy, safe little shack, into his plans. I have not one ounce of my own strength or courage that would  enable to open this door. Only by the power that he himself has given me can I even rise to approach the door of this journey. As he has enabled me to at least turn the knob and feel that shocking sharp wind I begin to hear a warm whisper speaking into this weak heart, "When you are weak I am strong."  slowly the howling of this storm turns into a melody of hope, as the ice begins to melt I can hear him whisper his promise, Tinna:"I will never leave her or forsake her, or you! Hebrews 13:5

 Jesus loves her this I know for the bible tells me so
Tinna